A Dream Team

A few days ago, as I was falling asleep an idea popped into my head. I can’t really call it a new idea, because it has come to me in bits and pieces of wishes and dreams over the year.
I was in that weird half-asleep phase of thought, so my thoughts were more visual than normal and dreams tried to crowd out thoughts, and what I visualized were a group of friends, co-artists, working side-by-side combining their talents–though admittedly varied–to create something with value.
Art, creativity, writing with substance that communicates messages of “you’re enough” and teaches valuable life wisdom. Our efforts would pour out love and hope into the world, showing others that they can make a difference too, no matter how little they believe they have to give.
What I am envisioning is a collaboration, most often focused on writing pieces, but who take times to create art to push the boundaries of what they believe they are capable–proving that together we are better than one on one. And together we can make a difference.
A Dream Team

Like a Leaf

A cascade of hope and fear, pouring out,
undivided. falling over the rocky way
both graceful, delicate, and powerful the same
Inspiration in one hand, doubts in the other,
She, the stream, presses forward
to a distant shore. From the point of
fall, what came next a mystery
the edge could not be seen at all.
And like a leaf carried on this same current
that thrust the water into motion,
I travel life’s river,
forward, over, tumbling, into the unknown
to a lake or pond or distant ocean.
What will come my way, still not found,
While the current has its force,
I can always bring my paddle along.
I am not a mere victim of its course.
And should it be, that I must abandon ship,
I have two legs that will carry me.

© Rebecca Turk

Property of Rebecca Turk
© Rebecca Turk 
If interested in photo prints, please contact me at rturk.email@gmail.com
Like a Leaf

Half my Age but Twice as Brave #1000smallways

Leaning against my wall in such a way, that even I was unsure if I was holding the wall up, or if it was holding me up, I struggled to clear my head. My heart fluttered in my chest, not like the heart of one falling in love, but like the one who has love to give but hasn’t found the way to do so. I let my head roll back, and gently thunk against the wall. How had it come to this?

How is it that I’m still here. RIGHT here. Right where I’ve spent my entire life. Why is it that when I want to talk to someone about one of my dreams, I decide against it. How is it that I feel like no one sees my ideas as serious enough to invest themselves into, for more than a “that’s nice, dear” sort of response?

I know you know the type of response. The type that is thinly masked pity, passed off as support. That’s nice dear. Nice. Nice… I laugh, thinking “you’ve never tasted passion, have you?”

I let my head roll further along the wall, until it is just above my shoulder. I let out a half laugh, wondering if I’ve some how become a teenager again.  I remember so well the days in high school, where I wrote poems where I described the trapped feeling of having passion but no outlet. Of how I wanted to love the world, but had to sit through lessons that taught me nothing about how to love the world in a practical way. Lessons that kept me from doing what I was meant to do. Rules to live by that kept me from living.

I laughed, because you see, while these thoughts rolled through my head, I had written a poem that could easily have passed as word from that younger version of me, but then again, I suppose it is no surprise. As I’ve heard it said that the 16 year old version of ourself is the truest form of ourselves.

That 16 year old girl was raw with passion to love. That girl saw pain in people’s eyes, and would reach out and touch the pain, hoping to pour love into the wound. She was braver, perhaps, than the woman I’ve become. I found her tonight, as the lines of a somewhat sloppy poem poured out. I saw her and smiled, because she never left me…because she is me, and I am her, and I can say I respect her.

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Teenage me

She may have been half my age, but she was twice as brave. I’m slowly growing up, catching up, with where she would have taken me, if I would have followed.

So, when that passion spills out, I have to listen. Even if makes me feel uncomfortable. Even if it means I bare a bit of my soul. So, these are the words I wrote;

I have ideas,
I have dreams,
and it isn’t what it seems,
I’m not lost,
I’m not blind,
I’m unsupported,
yet dreaming,
With closed eyes
you are unseeing.
I’m headed to a better life,
a world full of ideas,
that hatch and grow,
and soon become reality.
I am restless,
bewildered,
hurt and frustrated,
What makes me so easy
to dismiss?
I’m tired of living a little life,
I grow impatient with those
who are comfortable in theirs.
Show me your passion,
your hunger,
the raw vulnerability of
putting yourself out on the edge.
Show me the fear that flits in your eyes,
as you walk on the precipice
of this life.
You cannot sit back,
if you believe love and live
are verbs.
You have to stand up,
yell out,
and try to be heard.
Love wins,
you know that right?
Life ends, you understand?
So while we live, we must love,
the war is won, but the battle is still on.
Why do you stand there, as if I’ve said nothing.
Can you not hear
or are you just ignoring me.
I said, “Join me. Come…. let’s go.”
But on your face not a single emotions shows.
Did you not hear me?
Must I just go forward and show you?
I’d much rather have you with me,
It would be easier for us both.
But if I must choose,
I choose to go.
I have a life to love,
and sitting here won’t get that done.
So [only] once more,
I will say the words…
Join me. Let’s go.

A Thousand Small Ways #1000smallways

Question: Who was your 16 year old self? What were they passionate about? Are there any dreams you left behind that you regret?

Don’t leave passion behind, it will help you find the ways that are uniquely you that you can reach the world.
Half my Age but Twice as Brave #1000smallways

Just a Little Mitt More & #1000smallways

As some of your may or may not know, I’m writing a children’s story, about a fox named Mitt (since baby foxes are Kits, this is a Mitt 😉 ).

I spent the day today working on the book, it has had a few edits by me, now it needs to have a few edits from a person or two.

I then spent a couple hours today trying to teach myself to draw, so that I can edit my own book. I quickly discovered that drawing is not my strength, and I either have to find a way to use photography and photoshop to make my images, or I need to outsource.

I really thought I would have progress further today, than I did.

I wonder how many of my dreams are similar to the dreams of Bob Goff, in  Chapter 1 of “Love Does: Discover A Secretly Incredible Life in an Ordinary World.”

Bob takes of to Yosemite, ready to find a job and settle into a life of work and climbing the mountains. Deciding to drop out of school, he shows up at his friend’s house to let him know what he’s about to do. His friend scurries off to the other room, grabs a backpack and sleeping back and says, “Bob, I’m with you.”

Well, the story goes that Bob couldn’t find work. Each time Bob got discouraged, Randy reiterated the sentiment, “I’m with you.”  They end up heading back home, the dream didn’t work out as Bob had hoped or planned.

And here I am, trying to find a way to make a living off of doing what I love and am passionate about, but not making a cent. I also don’t have a Randy in my life to be my companion and make it a little easier.

Am I getting anywhere? So far, I have gotten a little more traffic on the blog, I have the children’s book ready to be illustrated, and I’ve been tweeting to people I’d like to network with, but have I made any actual progress?

I wish I had a Randy, but I don’t. No one who believes in me enough to just be present. So…what can I do?

I can decide to be a Randy for someone else.

To be able to say, “I’m with you.”

A Thousand Small Ways #023

Be a Randy. In some friendship in your life today, just offer to be there for them. Not trying to fix them. Not trying to make them a project, but just offering to be there.

And remember, whatever positive thing you do, it does matter and I can make a difference, so don’t give up. You may want to look for people with similar passions and get together to do some good.

Just a Little Mitt More & #1000smallways

I Am & #1000smallways

A Letter in response to “I Am”

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Dear Tom,

I watched “I am” today, and while some of the newer, more intellectual or simply unfamiliar thoughts were like a fog or mist that blew across the landscape of my mind, a few droplets of even these watered the earth. On the whole though, the documentary stirred up such a resounding voice of “let’s go” and “let’s love” that I found myself bracing myself against my wall, as if I had just suffered some unseen blow for which I had braced myself against, while at the same time my grasp on the wall had a launching direction, as if a horse in my lane, waiting for the gates to open.

You see, I have found myself more than 6 months deep in unemployment, and while my financial resources are limited, my time resource has expanded. While I still seek employment, I am seeking out ways to love the world, to do little things that create change. I’ve started blogging about #1000smallways. A journey I am on, and hope to invite others on, to find a thousand small ways to change the world. Right now, those small ways are so very small indeed, but they are drops in an ocean, and I am just waiting to reach the critical mass—the tipping point, where #1000smallways can precipitate a ripple across the ocean that becomes a wave on a thirsty shore.

I apologize if my language is too poetic or metaphoric, but this is the language that spills out when passions have been awaken. I heard the language of my soul spoken, and the rejoicing of “I’m not alone” has taken over. I, too, believe that love is the next step—and every step after that, that we must take to reach change. While watching the film, I wrote a thought that came to mind:
Love is the most piercing weapon, which renders healing wherever it is wielded. (So fight, my friends. Fight with love and heal the world.)

I am a Christian, and am so grieved when others point out that they have left Christianity because of the lack of love, that they were wounded by people. If they really considered what being Christian is (being a Christ follower/Christ-like) and that God is love—how can they be anything but loving? But at the same time, I realize that we live in a world where we are told competition is normal…that being right and winning is more valuable than loving. I realize that I too am the problem, that I too fail. I only hope that with each step forward, I become less prone to selfishness and more prone to love as my reaction to all decision making.

I don’t know what my next step is, in life, but I hope that it will be toward pouring more love into the world. I have often told friends, “I wish I knew how to pour love into the wound.” And that is the quest I am on.

Sincerely,

Rebecca Turk

Property of Rebecca Turk© Rebecca Turk

A Thousand Small Ways #021

Today is all about you. I’ve been telling you about some of the small ways I have discovered, but today I ask you to come up with a small way. Share it with the hashtag #1000smallways. Also, please don’t forget to put your small way into action and share it with us all. I cannot wait to hear your stories and how they will reveal your heart and passion. Go be a positive drop in the ocean. Today is your day (and every day is “today).

Motivational thoughts and paraphrased quotes from the documentary:

Our basic strongest instinct is for compassion, empathy, and cooperation.
What people need to know to recognize their own power that every day acts, and small acts, can build up over time into a great movement.
The sea is really only drops of water that have come together.
God says, you know what? I don’t have anyone else but you.
(Paraphrase of Desmond Tutu in I Am)
Edit (11-19-15):
And remember, whatever positive thing you do, it does matter and I can make a difference, so don’t give up. You may want to look for people with similar passions and get together to do some good.

https://youtu.be/qfX-EmENMTc

I Am & #1000smallways

Dear Sad Eyes #1000smallways

© Rebecca Turk Prints available for sale.
© Rebecca Turk

Dear Sad-Eyes,

You with the sad eyes
Don’t be discouraged
Oh I realize
Its hard to take courage
In a world full of people
You can lose sight of it all
And the darkness inside you
Can make you feel so small

-True Colors (click for music video)

1.You with the sad eyes
Don’t be discouraged

You’re not invisible. We’ve seen your sad eyes. Pain just has a funny way of making others uncomfortable. It isn’t that they don’t care about you. They don’t know what to do, nor what words to speak. It makes them squirm. It makes many flee. They are not fleeing you. You’re still loved, still valued, still important. I can’t say that I never look away myself, but I’m determined to learn to look pain in the eye…and through my experience, I hope to learn a thing or two to share with others that will help them stick by you, even in your pain. So, hang on, and wait with me, as I journey to see what I can learn. Teach me. Help me learn so that I can teach. I know pain is different for each, like a snowflake, but just as each snowflake is different, snow, in general, has many shared properties. Teach me both the details of your snowflake of pain, and of pain in general.

Don’t let yourself despair in discouragement, I promise you that history shows that even the longest, strongest, most fierce storm has come to an end, and I hope through my learning and listening, I learn tips to share with you on how to make things beautiful after the storm.

2. Oh I realize
Its hard to take courage

Oh, trust me. I know. I know my words may sound good, but you’re asking yourself “but how?” How do I keep myself from despairing? How do I get out of the quicksand? To which, I have to say… I don’t know. I don’t know where you’re stuck, and I don’t know what wind of change will blow through your life bringing the hope you need. I don’t know your beliefs. I don’t know your worldview, so I don’t know how you find meaning in things. I, personally, understand my world through the eyes of a Christian who knows there is a war being fought. Good and Evil, free choice and irresponsibility. Sadly, it wouldn’t be fair nor just to force everyone to live according to our shared view of what the kindest, best, most responsible life would be….so we endure, and do the best to create a better world around us. 

But I do know you, your life is worth fighting through the difficulties for. You are enough to have a meaningful place in this world and to fill it as only you can. And I for one would love to watch you blossom and bloom.

3. In a world full of people
You can lose sight of it all

I know that it’s hard to face people when you’re harboring the secret of pain. You feel like you don’t fit in, and are either afraid it shows which makes you feel vulnerable…and/or you wish someone saw…truly saw you. Someone who wouldn’t be made uncomfortable by the pain, and who would still see you through it and would want to spend time with you. For, your beauty is still there, just as the sun still shines while the storm rages. You may have even forgotten this, but yet you hope that someone else will see it there, and value you and love you, and stay beside you…unafraid.

It’s hard to remember what hope looks like, when your horizon is dark. But as I once told a friend, I see the horizon. I will keep my eyes there, and share what I see. If you need a reminder of what hope looks like, I will do my best to describe it in detail. I’m not giving up on you.

4. And the darkness inside you
Can make you feel so small

I want to speak to the voice inside you, telling you that you’re insignificant, incapable, worthless, powerless, and just too small to matter or make a difference. To this I say, shhhhh. Silence. You have nothing of value to say.

This heart, whom you are belittling, condemning, judging has so much to offer, that you will never know of. You, ugly voice, are blind to light and beauty, you fear it. So you do everything in your strength to eliminate it, hide it, destroy it. But all the darkness in the world cannot change the fact that there is beauty there, and only light is needed to see it. So, I will work to put a crack in the darkness, so that the light can flood in revealing the truth I know. That there is beauty there. Strength. Courage. That this person can make a significant change in their world and the world around them. That they are more powerful than you’ve lead them to believe all these years. So hush, negative voice. You have no place here. Hope and love and courage will be spoken here.

Reader, your heart is beautiful. Scarred and wounded as it might be, there is beauty there. With time and healing, you too will be able to see it.

I’ll keep my eyes on the horizon, sharing the hope that I see, sharing the paths to a different life that I see, finding small ways that you can make a different and sharing those as well. And hopefully, in all of that, you find your way and voice, and can see hope on the horizon on your own.

A Thousand Small Ways #020

This one is a bit abstract, but I want to challenge those of you reading this to decide to not let the discomfort of other people’s pain make you flee. Be a student of life, and learn from your discomfort so that next time you encounter it, you can stand a little stronger. The message of love this will offer those who are suffering, is immeasurable.


“When I said, “My foot is slipping,” your unfailing love, LORD, supported me. When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy.”

— Psalm 94:18-19 NIV

Additional Reading:

Little Lies Told Long Ago
Shadowed Existence
Rehearsing Regrets
Having Superpowers

And remember, whatever positive thing you do, it does matter and I can make a difference, so don’t give up. You may want to look for people with similar passions and get together to do some good.

Dear Sad Eyes #1000smallways

Life like a Painting & Other Such Reflections #1000smallways

Where do I begin? November has begun in such a weird and wonderful way. It began with days of warmth. It was in the 70s, some days even reaching the upper 70s. Which, to some of you, may not seem like a big deal…but when you live in Michigan, it is a HUGE deal.

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It’s hard to explain the way the weather made me feel, but I felt like I was really on vacation to some wonderful new place. I felt alive, curious, vivacious. I felt like I was glowing warmth, love, and zest for life.

My friend Jill, took this photo of me. I think it displays just how alive the weather made me feel.
My friend Jill, took this photo of me. I think it displays just how alive the weather made me feel.

And I longed for my everyday to be like these days. I know I dream of moving somewhere else, my gut tells me California, but I’m not really sure why. Nor what I would do there. I just don’t feel like I fit in, in Michigan.

During this time, my internet decided to go out on me (well, it still was there, but with speeds  so slow that they are hard to believe). The picture below was NOT from the slowest day. The slowest readings were 0.07 Mbps for download and timing out for upload.

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This forced me to modify my daily goals, but also made me get outside more, so I took a lot of new photos.

© Rebecca Turk Prints Available for Sale
© Rebecca Turk
Prints Available for Sale

I feel like I’m getting somewhere, even though I still don’t have an income. I’m working toward it, everyday…while seeking a “normal job,” I am investing myself into improving and expanding my online presence.

This morning, I had a tweet mention from @CanonUSAImaging

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© Rebecca Turk Prints Available for Sale
© Rebecca Turk
Prints Available for Sale

Now, for the reason many of you come to my blog… the inspiration (in case my daily life didn’t do it for you 😉 ).

This morning I watched a documentary completely out of my normal documentary wheelhouse– I watched Twinsters.

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The story of two girls, one adopted from S. Korea to the US, the other adopted from S. Korea to France, who found out via a youtube video that the other existed….and that they were likely twins. The documentary follows them as they get to know each other, and the journey they take to find out more about who they really are. Spoiler alert: they are identical twins.

But it is hard to explain how the documentary made me feel. I so wanted to be their BFF through the life change they faced, and at the same time it awoke a deep longing in me for the kind of relationship they formed. I finished watching it with such a strong warmth in my heart.

A twin relationship is not something I will ever get to experience, and while I have 2 half brothers, I grew up as an only child (they were 16 and 18 at the time of my birth).

It also awoke in me a stronger acceptance of this nagging I have been feeling for a long time. At first I thought my attraction to Asian culture was just because of my attraction to Asian men (yes, I said it… I do have a type)…but the more and more exposed to it I am, the more I feel like it is a bigger attraction than that.

My heart aches for the orphans. I want to share love with them. I ache for the desperate, disillusioned, depressed, and stressed. I wish I could spread education about mental health to hopefully lower the rate of suicides. My heart breaks for the people in, for example, Japan who work themselves to death, or nearly so. I want to help them find balance, so that they can truly live and avoid dying on the job. I want to help the teens feel like they have strengths beyond beauty and/or their ability to academically out perform their peers.

I don’t want to change the asian culture by taking anything away from it or diminishing its beautiful strengths, but there is much that I would love to share from a place of love and willingness to help. Perhaps, one day, I’ll find a way to use my creative abilities to make a difference. And I should be clear, my attraction to the culture isn’t towards wanting to help a deficit I see…. I honestly find much beauty in the culture and would love to visit various locations throughout Asia, but when you love something/someone you only want the best for them.

#1000smallways A Thousand Small Ways #019

Well, this Wednesday I took and dropped some of my #1000smallways projects out and around in the area. I still have more to leave around, and will continue to find locations to leave them.

A Thousand Small Ways #019

Find someone on Facebook (or other means of connecting) whom you haven’t connected with in awhile. Write to them to find out how they are doing, and make yourself available and open for that friendship. Let them know someone is thinking about them.

If you are feeling like you could use a message to brighten your day, get ahold of me and I’ll write back 🙂 Let me be there to cheer you on your way. 


Love, Becky
Ps. Can you see my heart?

Life like a Painting & Other Such Reflections #1000smallways